Reform Soft Porn

Dear Teachers,

We’d like to have better conversation.  We want to work cooperatively with you to bring better education to America.  #marketbased

Let’s start with what we’ve got. We’ve got… Change You Can Believe In. Here are a few facts:

1) All children are products… your products.

2) All products are tested.   No product has ever been injured in the testing of their performance.

3) Products of color and products of poverty fail faster because you have low standards for them. #beliefgap.

4) Parents need #choice. Did we mention choice means charters where there is the least suckage?

5) While we stand behind our premise that all products can learn (#believe), we understand that not all products are a good fit for schools of choice. Products who do not meet our performance standards may be encouraged to find a better fit. Meeting the needs of every child is a public school thing. We’re not public schools except when we get your dollars and your buildings. (thanks)

6)  All teachers are human capital. Great human capital prepares their products for performance by any means necessary. (We like that reference. It’s got a Civil Rights Issue of our Time flavor. )

7) High stakes testing does not encourage teaching to the test. So, just stop saying that. 

8)  No excuses, human capital. Don’t even complain about defunded or unfunded federal mandates; if you really cared about children, you’d sacrifice.  We call them children when we’re pitting their needs against your middle class salary,  health care and pension. (more about that in number 10)

9)  We’re for higher salaries.  Great human capital should be paid more. Don’t think this means a pay raise. It’s a bell curve world, widget.

10) Did we mention how much we respect you? In fact, we’d like to help you remove the blue collar stain of unionism. Job security, pay scale and pensions are the sources of your low status.  

11) We are going to save the future by bringing your profession into the 21st century.  In the brave new world order (designed and voted on by us), there will be fewer of you, more online learning and larger class sizes. We’re going to teach and test those cute little products every few minutes.  The annual review (much like the annual test) is so last century. We need minute by minute data and no required seat time. We’re thinking the word personalization sounds sticky; it brings out our sentimental side.  (…Something something global warming,  progress, problem solving, tear of happiness, commitment to future generations… etc. etc. Mommy and Daddy) 

12) Don’t worry if what we need for your kids and what we need for ours is separate; it’s still equal. Don’t be fooled by the #politicsofenvy

13) It‘s about America. When you connect the dots,  we love America. (Queue the National Anthem here) If we don’t test every product every year in every subject, the human capital in public schools will not do the job of making products college and career ready. And then, the products will fail to become good workers, and we’ll lose in the global competition, companies will send more jobs overseas to the cheaper but more college and career ready third world. It is your fault if America collapses as a super power. 

13) In order to achieve as a nation, we need to get rid of elected school boards because teachers vote.

Thank you for this better conversation.  We’ll let you know what you need next.

In the meantime, here are some pictures of some small children who are smiling because we’re fixing America.

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